How can anyone be happy in a world full of so much heartache and suffering?
My mother-in-law has today been given a Do Not Resuscitate form. To be honest I thought she would have been given one ages ago but this means things have gotten worse. I assume health care professionals were delaying giving her one to avoid the distress it would cause. Now they can't leave it any longer.
Please let her get past 6th Feb.
Its Helen's funeral on Monday, I think I have decided to go.
It looks like things are going to get difficult in the near future and I'm not sure I can deal with it. I feel like I'm very slowly sinking and I don't know how to escape. Normally people look forward to things in the future but I cant see an end to the problems. I try to look ahead but its like I'm on bare moorland in the fog and rain, every direction I look all I see is grey sky.
Friday 27 January 2012
Thursday 26 January 2012
Too much caffeine
Work have run out of tea bags. After 3 cups of coffee I feel awful, my head hurts and I feel sleepy as I must be coming down from the caffeine high. I think I will have to take some caffeine free tea tomorrow.
The meeting went ok I come up with a plan to not say much and it seemed to work, just nod and agree. Still it was a waste of time but at least I get 30 min overtime for it.
I could do with getting on with my Open University work but dont feel like I can concentrate on it. As long as I get some done tomorrow I will be ok. I must do it tomorrow though!
Hubbys car failed its MOT so now we need to find some money from somewhere to replace/fix it and still fix the garden fence and get a new bathroom and get a new kitchen. I know money cant buy happiness but a little bit more would be nice. Im getting fed up with having nothing that works properly or falling apart.
Today my mother-in-law seems to have deteriorated again, I hope she can hold on past hubbys 30th. He is the youngest in of 3 brothers and it would be nice for her to witness this particullar milestone in his life. For his sake too, it would obviously ruin it for him should something happen.
Not feeling very positive today so I will go and mope on my own!
The meeting went ok I come up with a plan to not say much and it seemed to work, just nod and agree. Still it was a waste of time but at least I get 30 min overtime for it.
I could do with getting on with my Open University work but dont feel like I can concentrate on it. As long as I get some done tomorrow I will be ok. I must do it tomorrow though!
Hubbys car failed its MOT so now we need to find some money from somewhere to replace/fix it and still fix the garden fence and get a new bathroom and get a new kitchen. I know money cant buy happiness but a little bit more would be nice. Im getting fed up with having nothing that works properly or falling apart.
Today my mother-in-law seems to have deteriorated again, I hope she can hold on past hubbys 30th. He is the youngest in of 3 brothers and it would be nice for her to witness this particullar milestone in his life. For his sake too, it would obviously ruin it for him should something happen.
Not feeling very positive today so I will go and mope on my own!
Wednesday 25 January 2012
Getting fit
Whoo I feel quite positive today and got the exercise bike out. Feel good but sweaty lol.
Don't really have much to say today.
I'm not looking forward to tomorrow have a meeting at work. I'll report on how it goes.
Don't really have much to say today.
I'm not looking forward to tomorrow have a meeting at work. I'll report on how it goes.
Tuesday 24 January 2012
Dilemma's
I am so bad at making choices and I have what I think is quite a big one.
Do I go to Helen's funeral?
I though the choice would be made for me either because it would be family only or I would be at work. It turns out work is closing to enable people to go. Now I feel that I should go because everyone else will be but this goes against my belief that a funerals should be for relatives and close friends. As a colleague I don't feel I fit into these categories.
So what do I do?
My other problem of the day is I want to buy my hubby a starter kit for brewing home made beer but I have no idea what I need. The starter kit I have found doesn't actually have everything in that you need!!
Any advice on either question would be greatly appreciated. x
Do I go to Helen's funeral?
I though the choice would be made for me either because it would be family only or I would be at work. It turns out work is closing to enable people to go. Now I feel that I should go because everyone else will be but this goes against my belief that a funerals should be for relatives and close friends. As a colleague I don't feel I fit into these categories.
So what do I do?
My other problem of the day is I want to buy my hubby a starter kit for brewing home made beer but I have no idea what I need. The starter kit I have found doesn't actually have everything in that you need!!
Any advice on either question would be greatly appreciated. x
Monday 23 January 2012
Busy but sad.
So the weekend hasn't been great.
Sat I have already mentioned.
Apart from that I ended up being dragged round town by my husband because he wanted to buy me something (I know a lovely thing to do but...) but he refused to buy anything I actually wanted i.e. some lovely warm fluffy boots that I would have worn every day. He instead kept pointing out Leopard print stilettos, something i would never ever wear. 1 I hate animal print, 2 I cant walk in heels. So the day ended in us both in a bit of a mood.
To tired to watch a DVD we decided to watch the rubbish on TV and ended up watching Transporter 2 until the middle of the night anyway. (Not that I was complaining I love Jason Stathem :-))
Sunday was supposed to be a nice Sun lunch out with my family for my Dads birthday. Unfortunately Gran chose the venue, Redcliffe Farm near Filey. Luckily she had a money off voucher or there would have been complaints. The portions were tiny! Our table of 7 had enough veg for 3 people and only 2 tiny potatoes each. You got one thin slice of meat and a burnt yorkshire pudding with some lumpy gravy. Full price this was meant to be almost £9 each!
After that we went to see my husbands mum who is very ill with Lung disease and its sad to say prob wont be with us much longer :-(
Sun evening we had to cook a big meal to make up for the meagre lunch so we had pizzas and watched the DVD meant for Sat. Green Lantern. I was surprised I liked it so much though of course it helps that Ryan Reynolds was in it :-p I did get worried though as my Hubby asked a friend who had already seen the film if he gets his shirt off in it.. Is that not something I would be asking and not him?
Work today has been strange so much sadness although I feel that the news has not fully sunk in yet it will hit me in a few days that we will never be seeing her again.
Lets hope the week/month/year improves as time goes on.
Sat I have already mentioned.
Apart from that I ended up being dragged round town by my husband because he wanted to buy me something (I know a lovely thing to do but...) but he refused to buy anything I actually wanted i.e. some lovely warm fluffy boots that I would have worn every day. He instead kept pointing out Leopard print stilettos, something i would never ever wear. 1 I hate animal print, 2 I cant walk in heels. So the day ended in us both in a bit of a mood.
To tired to watch a DVD we decided to watch the rubbish on TV and ended up watching Transporter 2 until the middle of the night anyway. (Not that I was complaining I love Jason Stathem :-))
Sunday was supposed to be a nice Sun lunch out with my family for my Dads birthday. Unfortunately Gran chose the venue, Redcliffe Farm near Filey. Luckily she had a money off voucher or there would have been complaints. The portions were tiny! Our table of 7 had enough veg for 3 people and only 2 tiny potatoes each. You got one thin slice of meat and a burnt yorkshire pudding with some lumpy gravy. Full price this was meant to be almost £9 each!
After that we went to see my husbands mum who is very ill with Lung disease and its sad to say prob wont be with us much longer :-(
Sun evening we had to cook a big meal to make up for the meagre lunch so we had pizzas and watched the DVD meant for Sat. Green Lantern. I was surprised I liked it so much though of course it helps that Ryan Reynolds was in it :-p I did get worried though as my Hubby asked a friend who had already seen the film if he gets his shirt off in it.. Is that not something I would be asking and not him?
Work today has been strange so much sadness although I feel that the news has not fully sunk in yet it will hit me in a few days that we will never be seeing her again.
Lets hope the week/month/year improves as time goes on.
R.I.P.
Im going to do an extra post just to say a few things on a lady I worked with who sadly passed away.
She worked as a district nurse based at the GP surgery I work at. I didnt know her particularly well personally but worked in the same place as her for three and a half years.
She was diagnosed a few months ago with cancer, although It only seems like a few weeks ago, and she passed away on Sat. Its so sad that it should happen so fast and to someone so young, although sometimes this is perhaps the best way.
She was a lovely caring lady who always had time to talk to you if you needed it no matter what was happening in her own life. She will be greatly missed.
R.I.P. Helen.
She worked as a district nurse based at the GP surgery I work at. I didnt know her particularly well personally but worked in the same place as her for three and a half years.
She was diagnosed a few months ago with cancer, although It only seems like a few weeks ago, and she passed away on Sat. Its so sad that it should happen so fast and to someone so young, although sometimes this is perhaps the best way.
She was a lovely caring lady who always had time to talk to you if you needed it no matter what was happening in her own life. She will be greatly missed.
R.I.P. Helen.
Saturday 21 January 2012
Oooo That was a bad idea.
Ouch my head hurts!
I'm blaming my hubby he kept buying drinks I didn't want, its so annoying when people do that. Its was a good evening though. Mmm fish and chips :-)
I had loads I was going to say but cant remember it at the moment so I'll come back later when I feel more alive.
I'm blaming my hubby he kept buying drinks I didn't want, its so annoying when people do that. Its was a good evening though. Mmm fish and chips :-)
I had loads I was going to say but cant remember it at the moment so I'll come back later when I feel more alive.
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